Main Page
Contents
- 1 Why Don't Russians Smile
- 2 Table of Contents
- 3 Introduction: “I have never met anyone who understood Russians.” - Collectivism versus Individualism.
- 4 Chapter 1: Russian Coconuts & American Peaches - Why don’t Russians Smile?
- 5 Chapter 2: Russians and Americans
- 6 Chapter 3: Russians’ Unique Culture and Character (Social Etiquette and Expectations)
- 7 Chapter 4: Visiting a Russian’s home
- 8 Chapter 5: SEX & dating
- 9 Chapter 6: Marrying and Divorcing a Russian – Why do Russians cheat on their spouses so much?
- 10 Chapter 7: Living with a Russian – Russian Home life
- 11 Chapter 8: Russians in business
- 12 Chapter 9: Muscovites vs. “Real” Russians - What makes Russians tick?
- 13 Chapter 10: Further differences between Americans & Russians
- 14 Chapter 11: Conclusion
- 15 Further Reading and links
- 16 Index
- 17 Footnotes
- 18 Bibliography
- 19 About the Authors
- 20 OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD
Why Don't Russians Smile
Title Page
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The definitive guide to the differences between Russians and Americans - 2nd edition
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Table of Contents
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Table of contents
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Table of contents from google docs
Introduction: “I have never met anyone who understood Russians.” - Collectivism versus Individualism.
Chapter 1: Russian Coconuts & American Peaches - Why don’t Russians Smile?
Template:Chapter 1: Russian Coconuts & American Peaches - Why don’t Russians Smile?
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The best and most memorable way to think of the differences between Russian and America is that America is a “peach” culture and Russia is a “coconut” one. This analogy was created by two culture experts.[3] In peach cultures like the United States or Brazil people tend to be friendly (“soft”) with new acquaintances and strangers. They smile frequently at strangers, move quickly to first-name usage, share information about themselves, and ask personal questions of those they hardly know. Americans tend to be specific and emotional, which translates as enjoying other people, whereas Russians are diffuse and neutral, which translates into respect (esteem) of other people. Culturally speaking, America is like a peach with lots of easily accessible flesh or “public domain” on the outside but a tough, almost impenetrable stone at the core. In contrast, Russians are difficult to penetrate at first but all yours if and when you manage to drill your way through to their core. By the way, a little alcohol helps to lubricate the drill.[4] For a Russian, after a little friendly interaction with a peach, they may suddenly get to the hard shell of the pit where the peach protects his real self and the relationship suddenly stops. In coconut cultures such as Russia and Germany, people are initially more closed off from those they do not have friendships with. They rarely smile at strangers, ask casual acquaintances personal questions, or offer personal information to those they don’t know intimately. But over time, as coconuts get to know you, they become gradually warmer and friendlier. And while relationships are built up slowly, they also tend to last longer.[5] Coconuts may react to peaches in a couple of ways. Some interpret the friendliness as an offer of friendship and when people don’t follow through on the unintended offer, they conclude that the peaches are disingenuous or hypocritical. Many Russians see the American Smile as disingenuous and fake.
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Russians don’t smile much, but that doesn’t mean they don’t like you. In preparation for the 2018 World Cup in Russia, Russian workers were taught how to properly smile at the foreign soccer fans who would soon be visiting their country. In 1990, when McDonalds opened its first franchise in Moscow, workers had to be trained to be polite and smile. Russians will be quick to tell you that in Russia, randomly smiling at strangers is often viewed as a sign of mental illness or inferior intellect. To Americans, it might be easy to assume that this says something about Russians — that they are an unfriendly, callous people. But that’s not true at all. Instead, it may be worth looking at why certain expressions, such as smiling, become a key part of social exchanges in some cultures and not others.[8][9][10] Some authors have quipped that Russia is a "Bitchy Resting Face Nation". Resting bitch face is a facial expression that makes a person unintentionally appear to be angry, annoyed, irritated, or feeling contempt, especially when the individual is relaxed.[11] So why are Russians like “coconuts” and Americans like “peaches”? Why do Russians often think Americans are either idiots and insincere? Why do Americans feel that Russians are unfriendly and cold? Thankfully there are many social science theories that have explored this topic. These include immigration and collectivism vs. individualism.
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Studies have shown that countries such as America with high levels of immigration historically are forced to learn to rely more on nonverbal cues. Thus, you might have to smile more to build trust and cooperation, since you don’t all speak the same language. First, picture an American cowboy out on the range coming across a lonely Indian. At the beginning of their encounter he may wave and then smile as he cautiously approaches to show that he has no ill intention. Or one can imagine an immigrant with limited English arriving and desperately looking for work. They quickly come to realize the value of smiling to show their alacrity to work and their new patrons smile to show they approve of their services. In contrast, in historical homogenous Russian villages (mir), Russians knew the same people and lived among the same people for generations. The village was similar to one big family. A Russian did not have to hide their feelings among the large village family members.[12]
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When interacting with other cultures, your American smile may be misinterpreted as arrogance. In countries with greater cultural uniformity, people sometimes smile, not to show cooperation, but that they don’t take the other person seriously or that they are superior.
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Americans are: 1. more likely than those from many cultures to smile at strangers, 2. to ask “how are you?” (which is a form of “hello” to Americans) 3. to ask several personal discussions with people they hardly know. Russians like to ask about your mood: How do you feel today? How is everything? In American culture, however, it is not accepted to respond to these questions in detail. In contrast, when a Russian asks about your mood, he’s ready to hear the full story. If you know the Russian who asked you “How are you?” well they may consider an answer such as “fine” as insincere, or think that you’re hiding something. When they ask what exactly is “fine,” you should add something. You don't need to make a full confession; you can just say, “fine, I feel cold today,” or add an emotion. Russians are a rather emotional people, and they always share their feelings with everyone. An answer such as: “Fine” plus an emotion will be the same short polite answer that you can use in order to respond to “How are you?” In Russia, it’s normal to share private emotions with friends and to find a way to solve the problem together. Sometimes, even strangers in Russia can act like Americans and ask personal questions, especially if they will be spending a long time together. For example, absolutely unknown people on an overnight train may share their food and ask why a person is not married or have no kids.[13]
Russians may interpret personal questions from a stranger as “friendliness” and as an offer of friendship. Later, when the Americans don’t follow through on their unintended offer, Russians often accuse them of being “fake” or “hypocritical.” Igor Agapova...tells this story about his first trip to the United States:
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American culture tends to be more extraverted. Americans are more likely to seek contact with strangers and outsiders as a way of building success. They are more extraverted and adventurous as a nation. Americans, especially in the western states, tend to embrace their connection to their frontier past and idealize the individual exploring their limits and seeking their own fortune. There is a sense that one can rise and fall on their own merits. In a culture that prizes individualism so highly, there are no predetermined social links. In addition 24 percent of Americans move every 5 years, making it one of the most geographically mobile countries.[15] Americans must always be ready to invest in new social ties. In contrast, Russians have a tendency to function in tight social units. Think of a large family living in close quarters and working together. There is a close association with the welfare of the group and individual well-being. Ethics are largely seen as expressions of loyalty to your family and social network and not to individual ideals (For example, Russians are more likely to cheat or lie for a friend). In close living and cooperation the sense of privacy disappears. In fact, a word for privacy doesn’t even exist in Russian "Untranslatable ideas" section. There is a sense of a shared existence and no need to emphasize a positive attitude or ornament your facial expressions and interactions because much is taken to be understood. There is less of a sense that a smile is needed. However, that does not mean that Russians don’t have a need for individual privacy or protection from unwanted scrutiny. Given that Russians have no expectation of privacy in their homes, apartments, workplace, or in public spaces, their sense of privacy lies closer to their own skin. They feel less obligated to share their personal feelings and may have seemingly impenetrable expressions on their faces. A century before the virus Covid-19 made the term “social distance” popular, sociologists used the term in a completely different way. Sociologists call a county’s individualist versus collective characteristics as “social distance”.[16][17] Social distance is measured by the expectation of privacy in a country. The lower the social distance, the less privacy in a country. Studies have found that in Russia, social distance is lower relative to the U.S. Russians rely on more mutual understanding and longer shared national history to a much greater extent than Americans. Thus, there’s less pressure to display a positive emotion like smiling to signal friendliness or openness, because it’s generally assumed a fellow Russian is already on the same wavelength.[18][19] When there’s greater social distance there is a greater sense that it is up to the individual to seek their own fortune as opposed to the collective group in a nation. There’s more of a live and let live mentality. Americans expect a certain amount of privacy, even in public places; “one needs to mind their own business”. This can also lead to a sense of social anxiety and isolation and strangers can seem more strange or foreign than they are in reality. There may be more wiggle room to get into trouble during a chance new encounter with a stranger. When it does happen, it can be anxiety-inducing. Therefore, the common wisdom when approaching strangers is to smile and express warmth in a way that can help the other person feel at ease.[20] The American smile is habitual. Americans are commonly required to smile at work. More smiles means more comfortable transactions and happier customers, which translates to more money for the owner. Nonetheless, when interacting with other cultures, your American smile may be misinterpreted as arrogance. In countries with greater cultural uniformity, people sometimes smile, not to show cooperation, but that they don’t take the other person seriously or that they are superior. If you live in Russia very long you start hearing that American smiles are “fake”. Russians may wonder what is hidden behind a smile. But for the average American, there is nothing behind the American smile. It is a habitual form of communication. However, even in America there are some regional differences in regards to the smile. People from “American heartland” may see a smile differently than a big city urban smile.[21] Americans have a term called "PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE" Пассивно-агрессивное поведение – people from the capital of America – where one of the authors worked for 8 years – are very Пассивно-агрессивное. They will smile as they stab you in the back.
"Why should I smile at someone I don't know? I'm not a clown. If I'm ready for a serious conversation I have to look serious."[22]
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Chapter 2: Russians and Americans
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To Russia, in its hunger for civilization, the West seemed “the land of miracles.…”
Russia’s love-hate relationship with the United States and the West has given rise to two schools of thought: Westernizers (зáпадничество) and Slavophiles (Славянофильство). Beginning in the second half of the 19th century, both can be regarded as Russian patriots, although they have historically held opposing views on Russia’s position in the world. Both groups, recognizing Russia’s backwardness, sought to borrow from the West in order to modernize. Historically Russian Westernizers sought to borrow from the West to modernize. They felt Russia would benefit from Western enlightenment, rationalism, rule of law, technology, manufacturing, and the growth of a middle class. Among the Westernizers were political reformers, liberals, and socialists. Slavophiles also sought to borrow from the West, but they were determined to protect and preserve Russia’s unique cultural values and traditions. A more collective group, they rejected individualism and regarded the Church, rather than the state, as Russia’s leading historical and moral force. Slavophiles were admirers of agricultural life and were critical of urban development and industrialization. Slavophiles sought to preserve the mir (Agricultural village communes, see Chapter 3, Collective vs. Individualist) in order to prevent the growth of a Russian working class (proletariat). They opposed socialism as alien to Russia and preferred Russian mysticism to Western rationalism. Among the Slavophiles were philosophical conservatives, nationalists, and the orthodox church. The controversy between Westernizers and Slavophiles has flared up throughout Russian history. These two schools of thought divided Russian socialism between Marxists and Populists, Russian Marxists between Mensheviks (1903-1921) and Bolsheviks, and Bolsheviks between opponents and followers of Stalin. The controversy has been between those who believed in Europe and those who believed in Russia.[23][24] Today the conflict continues between supporters and opponents of reform, modernizers and traditionalists, internationalists and nationalists. Today’s conservative Russians who seek to preserve Russia’s faith and harmony are ideological descendants of the Slavophiles. For them, the moral basis of society takes priority over individual rights and material progress, a view held today by many Russians, non-communist as well as communist. As Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn (1918 – 2008) said from his self-imposed seclusion in Vermont, 15 years after his forced exile from the Soviet Union:
This school of thought has given Russia a superiority complex toward the West in things ethereal and an inferiority complex in matters material. The West is seen as spiritually impoverished and decadent, and Russia as morally rich and virtuous.
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Chapter 3: Russians’ Unique Culture and Character (Social Etiquette and Expectations)
- The Russian Soul ✅
- Collectivism
- Pessimism - A pessimist is an informed optimist
- Russians Lie
- Verification - Trust but Verify
- Cheating in Universities
- Friends - the key to getting anything done in Russia
- The Importance of Equality
- Caution and Conservatism
- Russians Extremes and Contradictions
- 13 Time Zones - The largest country on Earth
- Russians superiority complex (Messianism)
- Russians’ rebellious spirit (completely rewrite)
- Alcoholism - Russia’s Scourge
- Nagging Wives and Girlfriends
- Time and Patience
- Communication Differences
- Language - different shades of meaning
- Russians are long winded
- Intimate touch between friends
- American’s infatuation with mental health
- Etc.
Chapter 4: Visiting a Russian’s home
Chapter 5: SEX & dating
Chapter 6: Marrying and Divorcing a Russian – Why do Russians cheat on their spouses so much?
Chapter 7: Living with a Russian – Russian Home life
Chapter 8: Russians in business
Chapter 9: Muscovites vs. “Real” Russians - What makes Russians tick?
Muscovites vs. “Real” Russians
Chapter 10: Further differences between Americans & Russians
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Chapter 11: Conclusion
Further Reading and links
Index
Footnotes
Bibliography
About the Authors
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- ↑ Lugris, Mark. (June 13, 2018). Russian Workers Being Trained To Smile More Before The World Cup. https://www.thetravel.com/russia-teaches-workers-smile/
- ↑ 2.0 2.1 Meyer, Erin. (2014). The Culture Map: Breaking Through the Invisible Boundaries of Global Business. https://drive.google.com/open?id=1qoT-v2SDoSuj0VIXAmOpVxvvw4uUi5Vy (Full Book).
- ↑ Trompenaars, Fons., & Hampden-Turner, Charles. (1998). Riding the Waves of Culture: Understanding Diversity in Global Business, 2nd ed. McGraw Hill. 83–86.
- ↑ Riding the Waves of Culture. Exclusive Interview with Dr. Fons Trompenaars. (March, 2018). https://mundus-international.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Swedish-Press-Mar-2018-Interview-Trompenaars-Williams.pdf
- ↑ 5.0 5.1 5.2 Meyer, Erin. (May 30, 2014). One Reason Cross-Cultural Small Talk Is So Tricky. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2014/05/one-reason-cross-cultural-small-talk-is-so-tricky
- ↑ Taras, Vas. (December, 2015). Peach vs. Coconut Cultures. https://x-culture.org/peach-vs-coconut-cultures
- ↑ Lebowitz, Shana. (August, 2017). The 'coconut vs peach' metaphor explains why Americans find the French standoffish and the French find Americans superficial. Business Insider. https://www.businessinsider.com.au/why-french-people-find-americans-superficial-2017-8
- ↑ Lugris, Mark. (June 13, 2018). Russian Workers Being Trained To Smile More Before The World Cup. https://www.thetravel.com/russia-teaches-workers-smile/
- ↑ Bohm, Michael. (April 28, 2011). Why Russians Don't Smile. The Moscow Times. https://www.themoscowtimes.com/2011/04/28/why-russians-dont-smile-a6672
- ↑ Putnam, Samuel., & Gartstein, Masha A. (June 2018). Russians don’t smile much, but that doesn’t mean they don’t like you. The Washington Post. https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/russians-dont-smile-much-but-that-doesnt-mean-they-dont-like-you/2018/06/29/beceb9d8-7a21-11e8-93cc-6d3beccdd7a3_story.html
- ↑ Khazan, Olga. (May, 2016), Why Some Cultures Frown on Smiling, Finally, an explanation for Bitchy Resting Face Nation. The Atlantic. https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2016/05/culture-and-smiling/483827/
- ↑ Olga Khazan. (May 3, 2017). Why Americans Smile So Much. How immigration and cultural values affect what people do with their faces. The Atlantic. https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2017/05/why-americans-smile-so-much/524967/
- ↑ 13.0 13.1 Sorokina, Anna. (2018, July). What should you say when Russians ask ‘How are you’? Russia Beyond. https://www.rbth.com/education/328673-how-are-you-russian
- ↑ Meyer, Erin. (2014). The Culture Map: Breaking Through the Invisible Boundaries of Global Business. https://tinyurl.com/TheCultureMap (FULL BOOK).
- ↑ Adam Chandler. (October 21, 2016). Why Do Americans Move So Much More Than Europeans? The Atlantic. https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/10/us-geographic-mobility/504968/
- ↑ Park, Robert E. (July-August, 1924). The Concept of Social Distance. Journal of Applied Sociology, 8 339-344. Emory S. Bogardus. (March-April, 1925). Measuring Social Distance. Journal of Applied Sociology, 9 299-308.
- ↑ Putnam, Samuel., & Gartstein, Masha A. (June 2018). Russians don’t smile much, but that doesn’t mean they don’t like you. The Washington Post. https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/russians-dont-smile-much-but-that-doesnt-mean-they-dont-like-you/2018/06/29/beceb9d8-7a21-11e8-93cc-6d3beccdd7a3_story.html
- ↑ Arapova, Maria A. (2017), Cultural differences in Russian and Western smiling, Russian Journal of Communication, 9:1, 34-52, DOI: 10.1080/19409419.2016.1262208
- ↑ Khazan, Olga. (May, 2016). Why Some Cultures Frown on Smiling, Finally, an explanation for Bitchy Resting Face Nation. The Atlantic. https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2016/05/culture-and-smiling/483827/
- ↑ Samuel Putnam, (June 27, 2018). Why are Russians so stingy with their smiles? https://theconversation.com/why-are-russians-so-stingy-with-their-smiles-98799
- ↑ The "Heartland" is the central part of a country. A prerogative used by those on the coasts of the USA is “Fly over states”.
- ↑ Visson, Lynn. (2001). Wedded Strangers: The Challenges of Russian-American Marriages. Hippocrene Books.
- ↑ Richmond, Yale. (2008). From Nyet to Da: Understanding the New Russia. Nicholas Brealey Publishing.
- ↑ Seton-Watson, Hugh. (1952). The Decline of Imperial Russia, 1855–1914. Routledge. 24.
- ↑ Gray, Paul. (July 24, 1989). Russia's Prophet in Exile Alexander Solzhenitsyn. Time Magazine. 61. https://content.time.com/time/subscriber/article/0,33009,958205-8,00.html